Death By Spam

We are all familiar with the all-to-frequent emails that offer us millions of dollars for simply providing some poor political prisoner or heiress with our bank account details (and all our money of course) – but this one that I received last week decided to take a different tact with its readership – I think they should be commended for their creativity and willingness to think outside the box!

------
This is the only way I could contact you for now, I want you to be very careful about this and keep this secret with you until I make out space for us to see. You have no need of knowing who I am or where I am from. I know this may sound very surprising to you but it's the situation. i have been paid some ransom in advance to terminate you with some reasons listed to me by my employer. It's someone I believe you call a friend; I have followed you closely for a while now and have seen that you are innocent of the accusations he leveled against you. Do not contact the police or try to send a copy of this to them, because if you do, I will know, and might be pushed to do what I have been paid to this is the 1st time I turn out to be a betrayer in my job. I took pity on you, that is why I have made up my mind to help you if you are willing to help yourself.

Now listen, I will arrange for us to see face to face, but before that, I need $6000. I will come to your home or you determine where you wish we meet; I repeat, do not arrange for the cops and if you play hard to get, it will be extended to your family. Do not set any camera to cover us or set up any tape to record our conversation, my employer is in my control now.

Payment details will be provided for you to make a part payment of $3000 first, which will serve as guarantee that you are ready to co-operate, then one of my boys will deliver a copy of the video tape to you that contains his request for me to terminate you (I tape recorded our conversation), which will be enough evidence for you to take any legal action against him. i advice you be fast about this before he employs another person for the job. You will pay the balance of $3000 once you receive the tape.

Warning; do not contact the police, make sure you stay indoors once it is 7.30pm until this whole thing is sorted out, if you neglect any of these warnings, you will have yourself to blame. You do not have much time, so get back to me immediately. Note: I will advise you keep this to yourself alone, not even a friend or a family member should know about it because it could be one of them.

Contact me for now on this e mail: rebel@ameinfo.com

Good Luck.

------------

Good luck indeed!

Saying goodbye to the city

My final week in New York brought with it the same degree of insanity and chaos that had characterized every other week here – amazing – but exhausting. The internship experience here has involved daily meetings with individuals who could significantly influence my future in the field – and thus maintaining the constant façade of intelligence has been exhausting. For nine long hours each day I would ensure that my witty repertoire of jokes involving New Zealanders and sheep was kept in check – pronounce each word properly – including each and every friggin ‘r’ so that I was easily understood – contributed knowing glances and frightfully well-executed head nods during departmental meetings – and provided my fair-share of well-timed and insightful responses like ‘that IS interesting’ and ‘lets brainstorm that for the next meeting’. All in all it was an incredible experience – and provided an invaluable opportunity to meet those working in the field and learn from them first-hand. On a more amusing note – after a final dinner with my supervisor –we found out later that her friend at dinner was none other than George Bush’s cousin – he strangely enough doesn’t like to bring this up at dinner.

The countdown to my NYC departure also brought a visitor – with Steph flying out to the Big Apple to take advantage of the ‘broom closet on steroids’ that I call a bedroom. Despite work commitments the three of us were able to launch ourselves into some of the many unique gastronomical adventures that the city has to offer. These included a very causal ‘death by chocolate’ at the famous Serendipity 3 – where even my sweet tooth was no match for their sundaes and frozen hot chocolates. This particular venue also possesses the world’s most expensive sundae - $1000 (Guinness Book of Records) – with 48 hours notice being needed to fly in the ingredients. I am still not sure which is worse – the fact that this even exists – or that someone actually purchases one about each month. Given the price – I would want to ensure I was - at the very least – highly constipated for two weeks to really get my moneys worth. After this healthy indulgence it was off to Magnolia – purveyor of fine cupcakes – and while the irony of standing in a line at 10pm for a cupcake seemed to be lost on most people in attendance – these little cups of heaven were well worth the wait. Oh yeah – and we went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art – not bad – but after setting the bar so high with the cupcakes – it was always going to be tough for a few Monet’s or Van Gough’s to stand out.

Now – as the summer comes to a close – and I pack up my bag once more – it is time to return to Notre Dame, get back to work, and stop enjoying life so damn much!

Pictured: Death by Chocolate at Serendipity & New York from the air

Bringing it to Beantown

After six weeks of taking care of myself - oblivious to my unkempt appearance and the mysterious odor being emitted from my closet - living on eggs, breakfast cereal and bananas - and apparently determined to test the boundaries of what is truly defined as 'cooking' - Jennifer finally arrived in New York to clean me up for the final week of my internship.

Strangely parrelling visitors to South Bend - our first order of business was to plan a trip out of New York - and thus we were off to Boston within days of Jen's arrival to visit some friends - and for Jen to see this beautiful city for the first time. Therefore - after spending Friday with Jen's brother and his wife - and eating and drinking at places we would normally be barely able to afford to use their restrooms - we were on an early morning bus to Boston - and a visit to the city of Sam Malone and Cheers, and more American history than you can poke a stick at -

With perfect weather we set about exploring the city by foot - spending Saturday evening walking with no map and no plans - and enjoying the less chaotic atmosphere of Boston. Sunday morning we set about avoiding any form of American history - beginning the day with a beer at Cheers - then a trip to Harvard to '...see what smart people look like...'. Finally - we embarked on the famous Freedom Trail - 3 miles of history and a preview of the US citizenship exam. After tackling nearly an hour of historic sites - and attempting to walk inconspicuously behind a paid tour - we came across a pastry shop known for its killer canoles. It was worth the walk and the history - as these things were amazing - a chocolate mousse filling with chocolate chips and the ends dipped in dark chocolate - worth the trip to Boston alone! Then Sunday night we were back on the greyhound - ready for our final week in the Big Apple.

Pictured: Some would say a requirement for living in New York...&...the beautiful Boston Common.

Milk & Cookies

The first weekend in August had been on our calendars for a good time now - as it held a very special occasion - the marriage of our close friends Philip and Michelle. This was to be quite an event - and I had scheduled red-eye flights to LA in order to maximize my time there. It proved to be a beautiful ceremony - simple and elegant - with perfect weather and 200 people in attendance to wish these two all the best. Philip and Michelle have known each other since they were little tikes - and thus the slideshow that ended the night was particularly memorable as we were able to watch these two grow up together - and also just how long Philip had had a sweet spot for Michelle...she did play hard to get though - making Brother Dunn wait 25 long years before giving into his dashing good looks and biting wit. While observing the happiness of these two was great and all...the personal highlight for me was the non-traditional wedding cake that emerged later in the night. Apparently as a slightly uncoordinated teenager - Philip had managed to knock over a wedding cake - an event that left long-term mental scarring - and thus nearly twenty years later - at his own wedding - a traditional cake was outlawed. In its place...and thanks to a very dedicated mother...1000 chocolate chip cookies and a number of large jugs of milk adorned a table in the corner. The bride and groom dipped their cookies - savored the moment - before letting the flood gates open - as I set about consuming my own body weight in cookies. The remainder of the night was spent at a nearby hotel - where 70 or so close friends and family gathered to celebrate the occasion.

The remainder of my time was spent relaxing and enjoying a few days away from writing - with a relaxing trip to Laguna and days spent by the pool. Then it was back to NYC - and the chaos of Manhattan.

The fast track

This week began with the stark and blindingly insightful realization - that the years I was set to spend studying diligently towards a PhD were all a waste of time. This wonderful moment took place in a hospital elevator - with few witnesses and little realization of the critical importance of what was about to unfold. I was adorned in a typical white lab coat - ready for hospital rounds - and into the elevator steps an 80 year-old female patient - declaring as she looked around - what in the world she was going to do with '...all these cute doctors'. Normally of course - such a compliment from a woman (granted she was half-naked, obviously highly medicated and wouldn't be able to see her hand in front of her face) would send me into at least an hour of glancing longingly at my own reflection - this particular occasion however called for a different response - as I duly noted the use of the word 'Doctor'.

So here I was - spending years of my life - working harder than ever before (that might not be true..but seems to fit this line of reasoning) - towards a PhD - when all I needed to do was spend $22.95 on a lab coat and parade around a hospital. This was a wonderful moment...and now my days are spent strolling through the wards - attempting to squeeze every ounce of self-righteousness into my step - while desperately hoping that I don't actually get asked to do anything (thus exposing my critical lack of medical training) and that nobody realizes my pager is filled with candy and plays 'Raindrops are falling on my head'...

The rest of my week was far less exciting of course...as few things can live up to an elderly woman with blurred vision calling you cute...but I did make it to the opera in Central Park...and it turns out that the new Adam Sandler movie is being filmed a block from where I work - and thus my lunch-breaks have been spent watching the magic that is film production...in effect...one of the most tedious, boring and mind-blowingly slow processes I have ever observed...

Pictured: Adam Sandler on set -