A Winter Wonderland

After arriving back just over two weeks ago, it has been a crash course in acclimatizing to the full force of winter here in South Bend. We have both adopted our own coping methods at home to deal with this foreign climate…which while admittedly illogical… seem to have enabled us to function relatively well despite sub-zero temperatures. Jennifer has decided that during the winter there will be no blinds open in the apartment…thus no doubt enabling her to assume that there could just as easily be a Hawaiian beach outside our window as the two feet of snow that actually exists. I, on the other hand, have simply refused to change my ways while in the apartment …convinced that if I dress like it is a summer’s day…then it will become a summer’s day. Thus, despite occasionally donning warmer clothes to venture outside, I still insist on
wearing shorts and a singlet most of the time…or as Kyle would put it…fighting the battle against sleeves…even in this unforgiving terrain.

Admittedly, it is a very beautiful time of year…regardless of the disruption it causes. It is truly spectacular to see the otherwise hideous landscape of South Bend Indiana coated in a layer of white pristine snow. Furthermore, the naive realization last week that snowflakes actually do look like the ones in the cartoons brought quite an unexpected amount of excitement. As amazing as this is however, it is slightly dampened as you skid around corners, and watch people slide through busy intersections desperately trying to unlock their brakes. Not to mention of course, the fact that you can’t tell where the road ends and the curb begins…turning driving into a momentous challenge and something akin to an adult version of Dodgem/Bumper Cars…

So as the wind-chill factor takes the temperature here to -3F/-20C, and my poor mother continues to regret the day she found a website with South Bend’s weather report, Jen and I continue to live in denial…especially with only a few months of winter left…hmmm.

Culinary Awards 2007

Are you sick of slaving away in the kitchen for 6 minutes every time your family wants a hotdog? What about the long ingredient list and complicated instructions involved in getting that hotdog into that bun? Who has the time for pressure like this??!!

Well the people at Oscar Meyer have heard your cries. Introducing ‘Fast Franks’, the quick and easy hotdog with no messy ingredients to assemble, no nutritional value and no hassles. These badboys come ready-made, with the hotdog in the bun ready to microwave. And when you can nuke a Fast Frank in just 10 seconds…your family will love you! Thanks to Oscar Meyer and Fast Franks you can now spend less time in the kitchen and more time on the couch…the way it should be.

Damn Santa...

For Christmas this year Santa brought Jen an elliptical trainer, a piece of exercise equipment that she had been wanting for some time now, especially with the weather turning cold. Unfortunately, Santa was too cheap to pay the extra money to have the machine assembled, and thus upon our return to South Bend, a box the size of a small car lay waiting for me to open and assemble.

In retrospect, I should have heeded the number of warning signs that presented themselves upon opening the instruction manual. Firstly, it was closer to a small novel than an instruction manual, and contained technical drawings that appeared more appropriate to the design of a small jet engine than an exercise machine. Secondly, the first line of the manual provided the phone number to call in order to employ service agents to assemble the machine for you…not a good sign at all...but one that was easy to ignore if you looked cross eyed at the page. After standing in front of the mirror for a few moments holding a hammer and reaffirming my masculinity, I embarked on this tremendous project.

An hour later I stood observing my handy work, an empty box and our floor covered in a multitude of parts that I had no idea how to put together. After a stiff drink, and another trip to the mirror, I persisted and began to piece together this Rubik’s cube of an exercise machine. Haunted by images of Jen flying through a window as one of the steps falls apart, I carefully read and reread each of the instruction panels, and by two hours into my adventure I had assembled something that looked vaguely like a dishwasher. Undeterred, and with some critical assistance from Jen, we added the final few parts to the puzzle and voila…we had a fully assembled elliptical trainer…and it had only taken five hours…a sprained back…two blisters…half a bottle of gin…a few tears…and some good ol’ fashion ‘hit it until it fits’. Now, with Jen at work, I am free to watch Oprah and tone and strengthen all my 'problem areas'.

Picture 1: Quietly confident...
Picture 2: Place the what in the where?
Picture 3: Assuming the fetal position...
Picture 4: Just plain scared...
Picture 5: Victory...and masculinity reaffirmed

So ugly they're...

With my recent trip home to see my family, I thought it was about time I included some pictures of the other two members of the Philip household...the more intelligent members of our family. These two bull terriers receive constant attention, their own couch, own knitted jumpers, have their birthdays celebrated with cake and presents and rarely wake before midday...in other words...despite being considered relatively stupid animals (especially Jake...who is quite retarded)...they have my parents completely figured out and consequently live the easy life.

Jake, the first dog to enter the house, is perhaps the dumbest animal I have ever come across. This is said in an affectionate way of course, but damn, Jake has the ability to make inanimate objects look intelligent and worldly. He will chase a stick until he passes out and rolls into a gutter, he has been stuck in wet cement, and is an embarrassment to take walking. Children and their mothers will run into their homes, despite the fact that Jake is barely able to coordinate scratching himself, let alone attack someone...and finally, after no doubt being ridiculed in the park for peeing like a girl at the age of 3, he has now started to attempt to lift his leg. Unfortunately, such a balancing act requires a degree of coordination, and thus nine times out of ten Jake will end up sitting in the bush he was attempting to hover over, still peeing of course. Perhaps his most admirable and enduring act of defiance is his unwillingness to do anything he is told. Most notably, when told to sit at a road-crossing Jake will act as if he can't hear a word you are saying/yelling, and then, finally realizing that he is supposed to be sitting, will turn and sit with his back to the road...somehow making the poor person walking Jake look even more ridiculous than him.

Their list of accomplishments is both long and impressive...and grows regularly...here are just a few:

Eaten:
1 leather jacket
1 chair
1 handbag
1 sprinkler system
3 pairs of shoes
2 pillows

Broken:
3 windows (including two expensive frosted glass windows)
1 door

In other words...these two dogs have turned out to be much more expensive than their original purchase prices...but well worth the entertainment value.

Pictured: Jake and Shelley...dumb and dumber.

A sad departure

For the first time in all my travels I held a one way ticket as I walked through the international departure gates at Melbourne's airport. As I waved goodbye to my family...my sleep deprived mother and sister attempting to hold it together...while my father takes pictures with his new camera...much to the annoyance of my mum, it was a indeed a strange feeling to not know when I would see Melbourne again.
It was an incredible trip back home though. With only two weeks to spare from our commitments at school and Jen's work, we made the most of it and spent as much time as possible with family and friends. Melbourne lived up to its reputation of providing four seasons of weather in one day, with an open fire on Christmas day, thunderstorms and then a 100 degree heat wave to finish off our time in Australia. Jen got a small amount of the tan she was hoping for...I went slightly red...which is my version of tanning thanks to my Scottish heritage. We also ensured that we took advantage of all those culinary delights that Australia has to offer, importing a small shipload of candy into America with us at the end. This included the famous Australian fish'n'chips, pavlova, Cadbury chocolate, and drinkable beer. I was however devastated to find that my favorite brand of chocolate had been taken from the shelves, leading to the only sensible conclusion that while I lived in Australia I had been eating enough of it to single-handedly warrant its production. Lastly, and thanks to the fact that Australia is a good couple of years behind America, I was still able to purchase the long lost Vanilla Coke...awesome. So it was an amazingly relaxing trip, and a sad day when we climbed aboard our plane for the 14 hours back to LA. We now are set to soak up a final few days of sunshine in LA before heading back to Chicago and onto South Bend.



Pictured:
Our final family feast and fun in the bush (Brett - my legs, my legs...I can't feel my legs)