G'Day 2007!

There is always a certain degree of intense deliberation in determining a venue for New Year’s Eve celebrations, regardless of the fact that for the vast majority of people the night is anti-climatic after weeks or months of planning. Furthermore, I have never quite understood the logic involved in establishing a range of new year resolutions (in the case of Jen…38), and then promptly indulging in a night of alcohol abuse and the consumption of 27 food stuffs you wont eat once you ‘really’ start your diet. This is of course followed by a tremendous hangover the next day, often complete with vomiting, more food stuffs you will ‘never eat again’, and a desire to see yourself as quickly through the beginning of the year as possible. It was therefore with a desire to avoid $100 entrance fees, spend time with a few close friends in a very relaxed environment, and avoid too much sickening indulgence, that we decided to disappear for the night to my parent’s property outside of Melbourne.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at things, I have a tendency to turn even the most simple road trip into an ‘adventure’, most often through acts of unrelenting stupidity. In the case of our New Year celebration, I achieved this with two outstanding acts of stupidity in the space of twenty minutes. Firstly, I managed to throw my back out upon arriving at the property. How this came about is still somewhat of a mystery, as my afternoon had been spent in a very comfortable slouched position behind a steering wheel, followed by the very energetic and celebratory opening of a beer. I followed this ‘entrée’ of stupidity with the main course…managing to lock us all out of our accommodation. Naturally, I waited for us to unpack all our supplies, load them into house, lock the cars, and place all our keys inside before closing the door. Impressive eh? Thirty minutes later, (twenty five of which were spent assessing just how stupid I was) I had broken the lock on the door, ripped a hole in the door screen, and successfully opened the impenetrable fortress. Now, with the keys securely lodged in my left ear, we had access to our traveling bar, and settled in with Rach and Dougie to watch the thunderstorms pass over us, eat, drink and merrily welcome in the New Year.

Pictured: My parent's new property...66 acres of Aussie bushland!

Santa Down Under

Well despite the promises of a hot Christmas day, Melbourne likes to keep everyone guessing and provided cold and overcast weather for our celebrations. Determined however, we lit a fire and broke open the champagne Christmas morning, and embarked upon the standard gluttony that has become the true meaning of Christmas for so many. It was a great day though, complete with crazy relatives, a beautiful feast, gifts and much drinking.






Pictured: Serious Santa...Happy Santa...Suggestive Santa...Innocent/Drunk Santa

Home Sweet Home

Even though it had only been six months since departing Australia, it was a great feeling to fly back into Melbourne's airport. We had had a fantastic flight, with our seats in the emergency exit which allowed enough leg room even for Jen to stretch out. Thus, with hospitable flight attendants who were determined to get us drunk, and movies at our fingertips, we settled back and relaxed for the 15 hours in the air to Melbourne. As we landed in Melbourne, nothing could have prepared us for the site of smoke that had engulfed Melbourne, a cover so thick that you could see nothing from the window of the aircraft as we landed. This smoke was coming from fires that had been burning for weeks in the areas around the city.

Despite the smell of smoke, it was incredible to be back home and with my family again. Our home coming however was slightly overshadowed by another family member’s special day. Turning one year old was the newest addition to the family, my sisters dog, and the slightly less retarded of the two bull terriers my family owns. One must ask the question though, which one of my family members are crazier? The one who bought the cake...the one who bought the present...or the one who made the special hat...? It is truly great to be home.

Pictured: The family home, the birthday celebrations, and my 'Christmas kiss'.

Night at the Midway Hlton

Departing town for a three week break usually involves a degree of last minute organization and stress…add in a 12 hour final exam which ended 40 minutes before our train to Chicago departed, two final papers, an exam for Jen, the prospect of a night in the airport, and the need to pack for a stop in LA and then two weeks in Melbourne…and it is a miracle we were still able to form complete sentences. Amazingly enough we found ourselves relaxing on the train after leaving South Bend with a clean apartment to return to, all the Christmas presents we had bought with us, all our exams completed, and our sanity in tow…the rest of the night however would prove to be a rough one.

We arrived at the airport by about 12.30 in the morning, and began our search for a quite corner with comfortable seats on which to spend the night. We found such a corner, beautifully situated and warm, and away from the business of the airport. About ten minutes later about six workmen arrived to remodel the area about 12 feet from us, with jackhammers, stereos and a fine showing of ‘plumbers’ cracks. In desperate need of sleep, we relocated to the only spare seats now available. These sat in the middle of the thoroughfare and were perfectly situated under an air-conditioner…just what you need when it is roughly 35 degrees Fahrenheit (1 Celsius). Regardless we each took turns passing out in an array of uncomfortable positions, before climbing onto our plane and promptly falling into unconsciousness for the flight to LA.

We are scheduled to fly to Melbourne on Monday, with a few hectic days in LA prior to this. Updates to come, and see all those in Melbourne soon!

Pictured: Our five star accomdation at the Midway Hilton

Heart attack anyone...?

So a quick trip through the frozen food section last week revealed a few notable culinary delights that will split the coveted ‘Heart Attack in a Box’ award for December.

While the corn dog phenomenon is nothing new to my American friends, this level of sausage creativity is yet to hit the Australian shores, and thus deserves a mention…especially since the makers were willing to go that extra mile. Not satisfied with the standard floor scrapings of meat, shaped into a sausage and wrapped in deep fried corn batter, Foster Farms decided that doubling the size and coating it in honey would be the only way to go. Ladies and gentleman…the still microwavable…still indigestible…jumbo corn dog in honey.

A close second is a favorite of mine, and one that I am sure I have mentioned to many people before. The great land of America is renowned for its freedom of choice and ability to clog even the healthiest of arteries…and Smart Bacon is no exception. For those freaky vegetarians who refuse to eat meat and give those little pigs a purpose in life…there is vege bacon. It looks like bacon, it smells like bacon, it destroys your stomach lining like bacon…so what more could you want…so next time you crazy tree hugging hippy vegetarians get that monthly urge to consume a nice strip of dead animal…the scientists at Light Life have got you covered!

Can anybody see the road?

It seems that a forced adjustment to living in a colder climate is the way to go here, with the winter coming through in full force. Previous experience in the cold had very much been of the holiday kind, with very little to actually do and the quick acknowledgment that snow always looks nicer from inside. Being forced to function in this sort of temperature is tough, very tough, with a trip to a nearby town proving to be one of the more terrifying experiences of my life. Needing to review some charts at a nearby hospital I set off in the middle of a snow storm and proceeded to navigate extremely slowly through weather conditions I had never driven in before. Through the course of the drive I watched cars slide off the road into ditches, slide through intersections, and at one point I lost sight of the road completely due to wind and sleet. Luckily, there was someone in front of me whose bumper I was able to make out and follow, simply hoping that they were going somewhere close to where I wanted to end up.

Over an hour later I had made it to the hospital and set about collecting the information I needed. Then I was back on the road, in the same weather, but in the opposite direction. Over an hour later, as I pulled back into town, I have never been so happy to see the ugliness of South Bend.

Pictured: The red devil preparing for the trip back again, and about as good as the visibility got on the trip.

Baby its cold outside…

As the first days of December come and go, the temperature is dropping steadily. To friends and family in Southern California and Australia, the following is South Bend’s forecast of the coming week:

Monday: High: 26° F | -3° C Low: 19° F | -7° C
Tuesday: High: 29° F | -2° C Low: 19° F | -7° C
Wednesday: High: 28° F | -2° C Low: 17° F | -8° C
Thursday: High: 29° F | -2° C Low: 20° F | -7° C
Friday: High: 30° F | -1° C Low: 23° F | -5° C

Suddenly the couple of thousand dollars to fly back to Australia is looking like a bargain...especially considering with windchill this
temperature will top out at a tropical 5° F | -17° C

Pictured: Jennifer and my replacement...the new heater.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

With the Thanksgiving break upon us we were all set for a flying trip to Los Angeles and the warmer weather of California. In order to save a few dollars we had decided to fly out of Chicago rather than South Bend, and thus sleep deprived and exhausted we embarked upon our trip to the airport:

2.00am: Leave South Bend
2.20am: Realize left directions behind
2.45am: Leave South Bend (again)
4.00am: Arrive Chicago
4.40am: Finally locate a parking space to leave our car
5.00am: First train to airport after standing under a ‘heat’ lamp for 20mins
6.30am: Arrive O’Hare airport…not realizing that it was half way to Canada
8.00am: Friendly greeting from warm-handed airport security
9.10am: Pass out as flight departs for Los Angeles

Despite this mid-morning trip to the airport, it was amazing to be back in LA. It had felt like a long time since we had left to drive across the country, and a lot had changed in the time since. Jen’s family were glad to see her, and were well impressed by all that she had achieved. The next few days were complete with the consumption of a small country's annual food supply, family gatherings, movies and relaxation. As LA always is…a great break from reality.

What do you have to be Thankful for?

I am guessing that your answer to the question above has changed since seeing the photo of me below…and that you are now thankful that you didn’t have to see me as a seductive pilgrim – complete with my five o’clock shadow and a conservative yet ‘fun’ skirt. Despite my fashion based attempt to upset everyone’s appetites, the Thanksgiving holiday was brilliant, with plenty to eat and drink.

In true American form, I decided to follow the Thanksgiving tradition with my first (and last) ‘Black Friday’ experience. For those who live in less insane parts of the world…basically retailers open their doors at 5am for a few hours of unheard of specials. Such specials incite panic, violence and determination usually reserved for riots, with hundreds of people camping out overnight to ensure their spot in the line. While we did not take it this far, we were at the store at 5am…in a line…of at least 300 people. The lines of course only continued inside the store…but people had come prepared. As we watched the line move slower than Eric after his third plate of turkey, we realized people had come prepared with water, energy bars and Gatorade to get them through this retail marathon. Four hours later we emerged from the store, feeling dirty and violated, and holding our purchases high above our heads like trophies for the world to see. I am yet to decide which is more sad…the fact I was willing to get up at 5am to go shopping…or the fact that having got up at 5am…the most exciting thing I purchased was a new flash drive for my school work.

Stupid is as stupid does…diet coke and Mentos the freshmaker

Having been evicted from the apartment due to the bridal shower, and with two hours to occupy without a bar being open at 8am Sunday morning, an intellectual pursuit of knowledge was proposed. Armed with a bottle of diet coke and a pack of Mentos, and with the interests of science close behind us, we set out for the local school to test this urban myth. Under carefully controlled conditions we risked life and limb to determine if indeed diet coke exploded with the addition of Mentos…it was quite a show indeed. And people have the nerve to say that higher education is a waste of money!